Episode 255: The Destructive Nature of Gossip
Download MP3Hey, everybody. Grab a bible and a pencil and a journal and maybe even cup of coffee and join in on our conversation. But first, I would love for you to write this down. Romans one verses 28 through 32. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a rebase mind to do what ought not to be done.
Dot Bowen:They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetous, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's righteous degrees that those who practice such things deserve to die. They do not only do them, but give approval to those who practice them.
Dot Bowen:Hey, everyone. Welcome to
Cara Bowen:write this down with Dot Bowen. My name is Kara. I am Dot's daughter, and every week we sit down together and we have a conversation about Jesus or scripture or what God might be teaching us. And we are talking about gossip in this episode, which it's a big deal, gossip. So we would love for you to pull up a chair and join us
Dot Bowen:in this conversation. I'm depressed.
Cara Bowen:Yeah. Why'd you read that?
Dot Bowen:That's a hard verse. But you know what? You don't run away from hard. There are some things in there that God is trying to say, you know, maybe a little controversial. I think sometimes we have to have water thrown in our face to get our attention.
Dot Bowen:We because I think, Kara, we as God's children tend to sugarcoat, make excuses, blame others, do all these things of some behavior that is so, destructive, and yet we don't get free from them because we can't really see them in the light of what they are. Yeah. And I know that we're talking about gossip. And we often look at things like stealing and murder and, you know, things that we would consider, oh, those are sins, you know? Real bad.
Dot Bowen:Real bad. Yeah. And we, you know, kinda put them in a category like, well,
Cara Bowen:at least
Dot Bowen:I'm not this.
Cara Bowen:Yeah. We categorize sin, like, Yeah. It on a
Dot Bowen:And they all, you know, all killed Jesus. But Yeah. I I just feel like gossip is one of those things that we as believers, as followers of Jesus Mhmm. Can hide behind that underneath the umbrella of would you pray for my neighbor because
Cara Bowen:Oh, yeah. For sure.
Dot Bowen:Are, you know, now you know, I'm not gonna tell you who it is, but well, okay. Fine. I'll tell you who it is, but don't you tell anybody. Yeah. And I think, you know, gossip so divides.
Dot Bowen:But the the thing most people don't really sit back and think about, that gossip is listed in some of the most evil acts of things that are really, really under the control of Satan, actually. And I and because Satan in Revelation, God calls Satan the accuser of the brethren. So you are you saying gossip is essentially accusation of the brethren? Because gossip is not telling truth.
Cara Bowen:Well, I gonna ask, can we go can we just go to the base and foundation of defining what gossip is? Because there might be some instances where you're talking about something or someone and it's not gossip, and there are times where you know, so, like, differentiating what gossip truly is in this biblical sense.
Dot Bowen:Gossip is taking truth and adding to it. I think maybe your opinion, like or I think gossip could be something that's tearing down somebody's reputation. I think it's something that you say about someone that is your opinion Mhmm. And you are judging their heart, and you don't know what really or why somebody does what they do and what's really going on.
Cara Bowen:Yeah. So well, so I think slander is when you're tearing someone down and it's not true.
Dot Bowen:Like, you're it's it's a lie. Because I think
Cara Bowen:you can also gossip and it's true.
Dot Bowen:Right? Well, I think you can tell someone something that someone secretly told you not to tell anybody, that could be true. If someone says, I want, you know, I want to tell you something, but don't tell anybody.
Cara Bowen:Like about yourself. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:And then you go on and you tell somebody what they just said. I think that's part of gossip because that may be true, but you are hurting the person that has been Yeah. Entrusted you with some really painful situations in their life and you're spreading it. Yeah. And it and then Like confidential and like confidential things.
Dot Bowen:I think gossip is something that undermines It harms. And harms the reputation and the view of someone else. So gossip is when it harms someone else. So whether it's true or not true I think so.
Cara Bowen:When it yeah.
Dot Bowen:Like, I was just I
Cara Bowen:see, in scripture and stuff like that that because if it's edifying Yeah. That's not gossip. No. Because if you're like, oh, so and so won an award. I don't know.
Cara Bowen:He wins I don't know how you win awards as adults, but I don't know. I was just thinking, like, if it's positive or that's not gossip, but when it's cutting someone down, portraying someone in a negative light or a harmful light or yeah. May it might change the perception of someone to someone else. Or
Dot Bowen:Right. I think for me, my guideline is when they stop telling me this, am I gonna think less of that person? Or differently in a negative And yet I do think if someone has entrusted you with something, and it's it could be something good about somebody, but you have abused their trust in you and you're sharing something that someone else has told you not to share, then I think that's tearing down the person's trust in you if they hear that you said it.
Cara Bowen:What if there is a genuine prayer request there, but it is something that, you know, could, like, flirt on the lines of
Dot Bowen:Oh, yeah. I think and I've done that. Like, you know, we'd like for you to pray for so and so, but they didn't ask me not to tell him. They didn't they didn't say I wanna yeah. I'm giving you information.
Dot Bowen:Would you please not tell anybody? I think when somebody says to you, I'm gonna tell you something, but you really down to they don't want that to be known.
Cara Bowen:Well, I think too, it's like, what would you like, would you want other people to know? Right. Whatever it might
Dot Bowen:be. Yeah. And if you do have prayer requests, why do you have the name?
Cara Bowen:Well, yeah, was gonna say, like, I guess you could also be pretty like, you should say, like, they're going through a hard time or they're struggling a situation with their kids. Like, maybe that would be elusive and people might wonder, but who cares? Like, it's kinda
Dot Bowen:like back to Now you
Cara Bowen:know it. I don't know.
Dot Bowen:Yeah. You know, I don't think this a good thing about me. Maybe it is. But I sometimes say things that you probably should think about before I say it. And this may be that moment, but I will say this.
Dot Bowen:I was mentoring a girl, and she started telling me about someone, you know, that wasn't living right. They were immoral, sleeping around. And she's telling me this. And she's talking about how horrible that was. And I said to that person, did you know that gossip is one of the things that God hates?
Dot Bowen:And even though sleeping around or immoral is not good, that's not listed. Mhmm. The things that God hates, those seven sins, even though Yeah. Sleeping around is Like in other
Cara Bowen:words, what she's doing and what she's doing. Yes. It's the same Right. In God's eyes because
Dot Bowen:And they're both you know, the look on her face.
Cara Bowen:Mhmm. Well, I think too a lot of, like, our your heart is like and I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't need to know, but I just mean, is was she telling
Dot Bowen:you this because it's like a, I'm better than this person, but Well, without knowing it, that's what she's saying. I said, I don't do that, she does, and I'm gonna tell you
Cara Bowen:about it.
Dot Bowen:Right. She was telling me this just explain to me A situation. That her friends group. Yeah. The point is that if that got back around Yeah.
Dot Bowen:That this Christian said this about her. Now I don't know her, so it's not getting around. I mean, obviously, I've just put it on
Cara Bowen:Yeah.
Dot Bowen:Well, you just blast him.
Cara Bowen:You just gossip the fucking gossip. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:But I'm just I'm using it as an as an illustration.
Cara Bowen:Well, yeah. And I don't even know what you're talking about because you talk to
Dot Bowen:a lot of different wouldn't tell you. Yeah. But the point of it is is that of why I started
Cara Bowen:out from the very beginning. It's a good reminder.
Dot Bowen:See the danger in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Well, if you
Cara Bowen:really even in Proverbs, there is a lot of talk about your tongue. How you James. Speak, how the the power of your tongue, how you know? So I wouldn't gosh. Gossip would be included in that, I would assume.
Cara Bowen:So, yeah, it's like we can and I think that's too I mean, one of my pet peeves is as believers, like, why are we cutting even if it's someone on a platform you don't know and you're talking about them in a negative, like, that's still
Dot Bowen:Yeah. That's still the same thing because we're
Cara Bowen:all the same family. So why are you cutting down someone that Oh, it's Like, I know it's not your We don't have
Dot Bowen:to It's for my pip, at least.
Cara Bowen:But I But I think it but it's a similar it's like that's like, we're we're all god's children as believers. So, like and how hurtful it would be if you if, like, me, Scott and Christy, you know, like, as your children, if, like, we were coming against each other, like, that would break your heart. Oh, of course. So, anywho Well and Jesus when said you think about it, I guess, is what I'm getting at. Like, oh, well, if you think about it when you really sit down and think about what gossip is doing And into not only to that person, but to your own heart because that's not like
Dot Bowen:It's it's making you they walk away. It's like they throw up on you and walk away. Yeah. And all of a sudden, feel yucky. But it's causing pride and
Cara Bowen:like, if you were the one gossiping, it can cause pride and you, like, being What happened with the sadness? It's saying, like, can
Dot Bowen:Comparison that we just talked about because it's I'm better than they are. Even if you're not saying I'm better than you are, that's what you're saying. Like, look what they're doing.
Cara Bowen:Or at least I'm not doing that. One of
Dot Bowen:my pet peeves is for a believer, a follower of Jesus, a child of God, and the family of God, get on social media and talk about someone that that is also a believer, and they may not know him, but they've judged them and based on whatever. Yeah. You know this is my pet peeve. Jesus said, people will know that you're my disciple based on how you love one another. That's not love.
Dot Bowen:That's jealousy. That's comparison. That's gossip. That's pride. And pride, all of those things.
Dot Bowen:And so Well, if you're really follow Jesus, if we're wanting the church to make a difference in the world, why are we talking about even if it's not gossip? Yeah. Even if it's the truth, even if it's not you don't even wanna get me started.
Cara Bowen:I know.
Dot Bowen:I think I did.
Cara Bowen:Sorry. You did. Yeah. Well, I think too, it's I just think, why are we coming against each other? Right.
Cara Bowen:When going in with gossip, it's like, why what, like, what good does it serve to you know? And and if you're genuinely concerned, and I know we're preaching to the choir, so we're talking about this and I'm you know, it's mark a in my own heart, you know, of just, like, taking it more seriously than maybe I should, or I'm taking it more seriously than I have in the past. But I think just, like, being aware of how harmful it can be, not only for the other person but for yourself, but also remembering of, like, you can if your if your heart truly is concerned for that person, you don't have to go into detail. Mhmm. And you don't have tell you know, like, you could say, like, my heart's breaking for a friend of mine and, you know, just pray that the Lord does x, y, z.
Cara Bowen:You know what I'm saying? Like, you can, like, do that without, you know
Dot Bowen:This is my theory. And and you've heard me say this over and over again. If you need to tell, get it out, like, you think I'm gonna bust talk to Jesus about it. Mhmm. Jesus is the only person that you can tell everything to.
Dot Bowen:So I have to ask this. Okay.
Cara Bowen:Because we talk often. Mhmm. And we talk about a lot of things.
Dot Bowen:Yeah. We Yeah. Do you think, like, in our, like, private conversations, do you think
Cara Bowen:that we gossip sometimes? Does it count?
Dot Bowen:Yes. It would count.
Cara Bowen:But what if it because usually, I don't tell people, you know, like, I know it's vice versa. Like, I might confide in you or might tell you something.
Dot Bowen:Here's my guideline. Okay. And I try to do this very and I try in our conversations, whatever, that if that person's sitting here, that they I would say that very same thing to them. If the other thing is if I'm not gonna say anything I haven't prayed about. And so if I've if I'm concerned about someone's life and where they're going and, you know, direction that they're going, and I don't pray about it, then I don't care.
Dot Bowen:I just wanna talk about it. I'm not really concerned about what's going on in their life. I'm not concerned about the direction they're going on in their life. I'm not concerned about their the things that they're doing that's gonna hurt them or hurt the people. Their families, or whatever.
Dot Bowen:If I'm concerned about it, then I'm gonna talk to Jesus about it. Well, I'm just thinking wanna be careful that and and you know me, Kara. You know that there's very few things I wouldn't just turn around and tell that person.
Cara Bowen:I mean, yeah, to a fault.
Dot Bowen:To a fault. But but that's my theory.
Cara Bowen:It's
Dot Bowen:like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I'm gonna say something to you about someone else Yeah. Then I wanna make sure that if that someone's sitting there, that You would say it.
Dot Bowen:Yeah. I would say it to them.
Cara Bowen:Yeah. Well, and it's not like we're sitting around talking about people, but I'm just thinking, like, there are instances where we're talking about a situation or, I don't know, whatever, but it usually stays between us. It's not like we're you know? So I was just thinking
Dot Bowen:Well, if you're struggling with and and now, let me go back. Let's go back. I can't even think of it as a conversation. But if you're telling me something like this, don't I usually say, Kara, why don't you pray about that person? Kara Oh, yeah.
Dot Bowen:Yeah. And don't I usually say, we never know why somebody does what they do. There's this is evidence. There's way a lot of wounds. So I try very hard.
Dot Bowen:Now I'm not perfect. Oh, for the love. I mean, trust me. I'm I'm as easy to get caught up in that than the next person. So don't hear me say Yeah.
Cara Bowen:I'm like, we're all
Dot Bowen:I've got this all together. But what I will say this is what I've learned. And and I've learned to be hurt. I've experienced I've been hurt by being the object of someone's Oh, for sure.
Cara Bowen:Yeah.
Dot Bowen:And super hurtful when you're on Then the other side of you're a little bit more concerned. Yeah. As I've grown in my walk with God, I've learned how horrible that is. As I've gone on social media and see friends I adore that I know are godly people, that someone's torn them apart because they have a large platform. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:And what, how mad I get over that. Even if I might even agree with it. Yeah. I don't get on But you're not asking I haven't go that to person says, you
Cara Bowen:know Yeah.
Dot Bowen:What this is what they're saying about you. Is that true? Yeah. But what I've learned is that number one is people are doing things and saying things that are coming from something we probably don't know about. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:There's so much we don't know. Happened to that person. So when you and I are talking, I'm talking to anyone else, I may say, you know what? This this is a wound. This is coming from something that they're responding or acting towards you in such a way because they're hurt.
Dot Bowen:Hurting people hurt people. Yep. Narcissistic people try to, you know, gaslight other people. There are things that people are doing. So I try very hard, not saying that I'm perfect on this, to get away from that person and try to deal with the issue and say, look, don't hold this against them.
Dot Bowen:It's hurt, and I'm not saying that you're not hurt by that. Yeah. I'm not I'm not erasing the pain that you're feeling that this is what's happening. But you never know why somebody's doing what they're doing. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:And if you care enough, you've you've prayed and asked God to, work in their life in this situation.
Cara Bowen:So I have one more question. Okay. What if it's, like, facts? Like, if you're like, this is what happened. Like, if someone got divorced, and
Dot Bowen:they got divorced because of an affair. And it's public knowledge. Okay. Yeah. Or yeah.
Dot Bowen:Was just Because that is public knowledge. That's in So is that gossip? I mean, if you it is Even
Cara Bowen:if it is public knowledge, are you furthering the gossip gossip?
Dot Bowen:I don't know that that's the same as gossip. Well, gossip is just don't know that that's any of our business in the fact that, like and and I can say to you, I know that they're divorced. Divorced. That's public knowledge. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:But if I go into detail about, I knew it was gonna happen and they're terrible or whatever.
Cara Bowen:Well, like, oh, and you're not gonna believe so and so and then they did this and that. And she, he, and he, and she, you know, it's like that's when it but if it's just like straight
Dot Bowen:Facts. Facts where it's like they had a divorce. Yeah. I think
Cara Bowen:Like, well, why? Like, well, I don't know. Or, you know what I mean? Like that. So I I just think because sometimes there are facts, and just curious that
Dot Bowen:And I think it's the motivation of why you want to say the facts. You know? And, again, that could be something that that you need to kind
Cara Bowen:think about. Why does that matter? What like, what's it to me?
Dot Bowen:Do I really care about this? Yeah. You know, do you really care about that third getting divorced? Have you prayed about them? Yeah.
Dot Bowen:But, again, if it's if I'm gonna walk away and not have to deal with my Mhmm. Renewing my mind about this, if I walk away and don't have to struggle with my feelings towards someone, then then that may be, you know, another Yeah. I do think, you
Cara Bowen:know, the more you get in tune to the Holy Spirit and spending time with him, I do think that it's easier to notice gossip, the Holy Spirit, and you kinda start stirring or you start feeling like not at peace, you start getting uneasy, whether you're the one doing it or hearing it, you know, like you start you kinda like, ah, I don't like love. Like, this doesn't feel right or I or maybe I shouldn't say this, or maybe
Dot Bowen:I shouldn't hear
Cara Bowen:this, maybe I should stop. You know, like so I do think that the Holy Spirit does can he speaks up. Yeah. If you're, you
Dot Bowen:know, and to If you're sensitive and you wanna hear it. Yeah. I think that the the main thing and one of the reasons that, you know, we wanted to talk about this is how bad it I mean, it's pretty it's one of our big issues as believers and how we try to cut down Mhmm. Other believers
Cara Bowen:and That's easy on a screen.
Dot Bowen:Assuming that we know why someone is doing something.
Cara Bowen:Yeah.
Dot Bowen:Assuming that, you know, we're we're kinda attaching what we talked about. Yeah. We're things
Cara Bowen:like that. Stones. We're judging other people's hearts and which is not our place.
Dot Bowen:Yeah. And I do think there's safe places. Think that there are people in our lives that I can say things to that I know that it's not gonna go anywhere else.
Cara Bowen:Like, you truly need to, like
Dot Bowen:Get it out. Talk through something. How am I gonna work through this? Yeah. You know, then and you're really concerned about that person.
Dot Bowen:I I think it's you know, we always go back to this. Yeah. Jesus always is at the
Cara Bowen:If you're needing advice on how to handle a situation, if you're stuck in between two friends or two, you know, whatever. Yeah. Like, if you genuinely need advice sometimes, like, just going to a trusted person.
Dot Bowen:God, you know, made us all different and created us. But I do believe with all my heart that my mother, you know, I'd say something to her and she goes, now now how do you know that's true? You know? And, you know, I felt like it's true. How do you know that's true?
Dot Bowen:And then I do think too that that, you know, I've always kinda leaned on like that. You know, maybe I shouldn't hear this or maybe and then I took a counseling one of these one years ago, I was gonna take a counseling course. And it was Larry Crabbe, he was amazing, counselor. Well, very well known, and I was in his, you know, underneath his teaching. And he talks about being a counselor, and he says, peep be careful with what people tell you.
Dot Bowen:He said, you can learn some things. You can know some things, but there are something that stick in your head Mhmm. That you don't need to know every detail. Mhmm. And they walk away.
Dot Bowen:And and then you're stuck with, I can't believe you did that. Mhmm. And it it's more they may feel better. You know, it's kinda like, you know, I'm sorry I ran, you know, ran you over with a car, but, you know, and you're that, you know, I'm sorry about that. And then they away like, yeah.
Dot Bowen:But I got a broken leg.
Cara Bowen:Yeah.
Dot Bowen:So you have to be careful with what goes in your mind and what people say because that's because it starts playing over and over again. And I do believe that those were some of the things that God used to develop made this sensitivity sensitivity to to being being very very careful careful with with what what everybody everybody tells tells me. Mhmm. Not because I don't trust them or I don't but I don't trust myself. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:And I know I have to be careful with what I hear as long as what I say. And then the other thing that God is I know this is of God, that people can tell me something and I can be in that moment and and I can listen to it and I can give them advice and I forget it. Yeah. I mean, that's the bad part. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:But but it's a good part.
Cara Bowen:Yeah.
Dot Bowen:Because it's not that I'm not listening right that moment or anything, but I can be all in. Mhmm. But God has given me this ability, I think, to to hear, because I hear a lot of stuff. I talk to a lot of people. Mhmm.
Dot Bowen:And I feel like God's given me wisdom to, you know, to to share the Yeah. But then I forget. Yeah. But that but I have to be careful with that. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:And so the way a lot of things that I do, if I feel like somebody's telling me something, there's too much detail, I do one or two things. If I know that person well enough to say, don't need to know every detail, then I'll say it. Or the other thing is that I don't listen to what they're saying. In my mind, I'm quoting a scripture. Yeah.
Dot Bowen:Or in my and they're just talking, and I'll I can pick up what I need to know to be able to to continue the conversation that they don't know that I've just tuned them out. Yeah. And and that's not because I don't care about them and they're just more protective of them. But I know the best way I'm gonna help them Mhmm. Is to be able to not get so caught up in it.
Cara Bowen:Like the details and gossip of it.
Dot Bowen:Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Let's just be very careful. These are people's lives, and these are people that God loves.
Dot Bowen:And we don't wanna be on the firing squad to destroy either their testimony or
Cara Bowen:Or what goes
Dot Bowen:on in life. Yeah. And our even our relationships. Mhmm. Because it does break relationships.
Cara Bowen:Thanks for listening. I'm so glad that you could be a part of our conversation. To continue the conversation, you can find Dot on social media at dotbowen or visit her website dotbowen.com. Subscribe, like, and share with your friends, and we will see you next week on Write This Down with Dot Bowen.
